| Tara Langdale
Sex hurt me, and this is how VuVa Dilators changed that
An uplifting testimonial written by one of our wonderful customers.
Sex is possible, VuVa can help.
Have you ever noticed in movies or in your favorite TV show that at the start of any sex scene, the woman is ready to go in 3 seconds or less? There’s very little foreplay. She’s hungry for it and her body is ready. As a society, I think both men and women have come to expect it to work this way. And maybe it does for some women. I’m certainly not one of them. I used to avoid watching anything with a hot and steamy sex scene. Not because I didn’t like it, but because that’s not what sex looked like or felt like for me. I was jealous and embarrassed. I was afraid of watching those scenes with a partner because it might shine a giant spotlight on how truly broken I believed myself to be.
If you roll the camera on my journey with sex over the years, you’d see a lot of awkward conversations where I explain to my soon to be new partner that there’s something wrong with me and I have a hard time with sex. You’d see an exhausting amount of mediocre foreplay (and some very good foreplay), and a cringe-worthy 20 minutes where I wince and silently shed tears through the pain that feels like someone is forcefully knocking down a door with a sledgehammer to get to the fire inside my vagina.
After twenty years of a sexually somewhat-active lifestyle, a patient and loving husband who has a hard time watching me in pain, and a desire to have a baby, I finally asked my doctor why sex hurts for me. She did a few extra things during the normal exam and concluded that there was nothing wrong with me. Great. So how do we explain this burning pain I feel? How do we explain the fact that my husband couldn’t penetrate me on the night of our wedding because the pain was too intense for me? This devastating conclusion left me on a wild internet search (incognito of course), desperate to find if there’s just one other person on this planet who might have the same problem as me.
My search led me to VuvaTech, and specifically the magnetic vaginal dilators. I felt like I had entered a fantasy world, a place where the sun always shines, the flowers are always in bloom. It felt like I was greeted by fairies who sat me down, handed me a glass of my favorite wine, caressed my shoulders, put a warm hand on the side of my face, looked me in the eyes, and gently said in the most calming voice, “you are not alone, there are others here just like you.”
I began to devour every inch of the website, reading product descriptions, every single review, and the owner and creator’s own personal journey. As I typed out my credit card number, I thought to myself, “this probably won’t work, but it gives me hope, and right now, I’m willing to ride on hope alone.”
I remember the day the dilators arrived, I wanted to see exactly how big they were. From the pictures online, I was comforted thinking that the set would resemble plastic dildos, but I also hoped they would be much smaller. As I unpacked the box, I noticed that each dilator was slightly longer and wider in circumference from the last, starting with a moderately small size. And each one had a comfortable disc like base which I would later find to be very useful in using a rotating back and forth motion to insert the dilators. I had ordered sizes 2-4, but after viewing them, I decided I wanted the full set. So I ordered sizes 1 and 5, and patiently awaited their arrival. I’ll be honest, I was terrified to use them. I didn’t mind waiting for the next shipment to arrive.
Not only had I struggled with sex my entire adult life, I also failed miserably the few times I tried to use a tampon. And by this point, I had not attempted to have sex in a very long time, it just became easier to not try. I counted my blessings in my life and repeatedly told myself and my husband that we'd try to figure it out another day. Each time I thought about how I wanted to get back to it, I cringed at the memory of pain and discomfort from the last time we tried. Ordering the dilators was a good step in the right direction, but I knew this was going to be a challenge.
The first time I used the dilators, I did well. I used size 1 with ease. While it was easy, I was glad I had it, because it helped prepare me (and give me the confidence) for size 2. With little effort, size 2 was a breeze. Then I got cocky. And size 3 was nowhere near as easy as I thought it would be. I listened to my body and felt that it was telling me it was done, so I stopped. I took a long hard look at size 5 and I thought to myself, “no way this will ever get inside me.” Then I realized it was likely the same size as my husband, and I knew I needed to find a way.
You know how in movies they always insinuate that the bigger the man is, the more desirable he is? Well that’s never been true for me. I thought it was a little unfair twist of fate what I ended up with.
Call it the ticking internal clock, but I was determined to find a way to make this work. It was a mental struggle just as much as it was physical. I spent time talking with my therapist about how to relax enough to get to the next size. I found that playing music, closing (and locking) the door helped. As much as I wouldn’t mind if my husband walked in, it helped to call it “me time” and to spend the time really listening to my body and getting to know how it worked.
I began to think of the dilators for my vagina like a foam roller for the muscles in my back. A foam roller helps to work out knots, to smooth, lengthen and relax the muscles. The dilators do the same thing, and the ones with neodymium magnets inside help to draw blood to the nerves and surrounding muscles, making it easier for your internal vaginal muscles to relax. The muscles are tighter the deeper you go, so it takes some time (and different size dilators) to reach those. I found that by warming some lube and warming the dilators, my body was more willing to accept them. I focused on my breathing, taking time to slowly breath in, telling myself that this is a safe space and it’s okay to accept the dilators. As I exhaled, I’d pushed the dilator in a bit past my comfort zone, while using a gentle rotating left to right motion. My mind calmed, and my muscles loosened, accepting the dilators at each size.
I want to be honest, while some reviewers said they had success within a short time, it wasn’t quick or easy for me. It was both a physical and a mental endeavor. I couldn’t use the dilators every day. In fact, sometimes I went days, weeks, or even months without use. Yet, every time I was ready to spend some time with them again, it was like catching up with an old friend I hadn't talked to in a while — my body remembered. It might have taken a little time and patience to get back in the groove, but each time was easier than the last.
And here I am today, happy to report that I made it to size 5. And with continued use of the dilators, I have achieved completely pain-free and frequent sex with my husband. I’ve never talked about my struggle with sex, much less written about it, but these dilators completely changed my life. It is my hope that other women who have hid in the shadows of painful sex will find their way to my story, will feel that same warmth and optimism in realizing they are not alone, and will take the leap to find their own journey towards the mental and physical freedom that awaits them with pain free sex.
Do you have painful intercourse?
Dilator therapy helps improve pelvic health and female sexuality. They are used to help a wide variety of female health concerns. Speak to your doctor today about how dilator therapy can help you.
Do you need to order vaginal dilators so you can start your pelvic floor therapy process? Made in the USA. Visit www.vuvatech.com