| Tara Langdale

How to "Loosen a Girl Without Hurting Her"?

First things first: it’s a great thing that you’re looking for this information on how to help loosen up your partner. Sex should be a mutually pleasurable experience, but for that to happen, awareness and effort is required from both partners. The fact that you’re seeking advice on how to loosen a girl without hurting her indicates both of those things. The thing is, sometimes it’s not as simple as it sounds. We humans have complex bodies and unfortunately there are times when things aren’t functioning quite as we would hope they would.

You can purchase VuVa Vaginal Dilators to stretch their vagina at home. Prices start at around $26 dollars for a dilator, depending on size. They can work their way up in size. It is called pelvic floor therapy and dilators are used in this setting everyday. Be understanding, this is very common. Here is a list of pelvic floor conditions they could have. Show them this list and you could help save them years of trying to find a diagnosis. 



Women can have a number of gynecological (or psychological) issues that lead to fear of penetration, painful or difficult intercourse (dyspareunia), or all of the above. If she a little tight down there, you may be able to put her mind and body at ease with the right techniques and therapy. Some females with more serious issues might need a lot more patience and effort from you, but these will surely be appreciated and in time, rewarded.

What does it take to loosen up?

So, how do you go about "loosening a girl" or relaxing her pelvic floor muscles without causing her pain? Read on for some sexual relationship advice…

The first step to loosening a girl without hurting her

The first and most important thing you can do is to determine why she is tight down there. She might be open to discussing it, but probably not in the moment. If you haven’t had the opportunity to talk about it (or it’s been too difficult) beforehand, try to understand what’s going on in the moment. For example, is her vagina tight because she isn’t lubricated enough? If so, she might be anxious, or simply not ready for penetration yet. 

If she frequently has issues with penetration it might be that she has vaginismus, which is the name for the involuntary tightening of her vagina - usually at the first attempt at any kind of penetration. This can cause her a lot of pain and anxiety during sex, or prevent you from entering her at all. Although it’s not something most girls take about, it’s actually quite common.

There other common conditions like vulvodynia, another vaginal pain condition she has little to no control over. It can hurt even to touch her lightly, so great care must be taken during sexual activity. In the case of either of these conditions it is often a persistent problem that takes time and pelvic floor therapy to overcome. Please be aware that in the case of vaginismus or vulvodynia, you can’t just keep trying and expect her to get used to the idea, these are painful conditons. Try not to take it personally, and don’t blame her either… it’s one of those things that generally requires professional help.  



What can you do to loosen a girl during sex?

When it comes to practical, hands on strategies for making a girl comfortable in the bedroom, you have plenty of options:

 1. Lots of foreplay

Make sure you take your time to warm her up fully so that her body can prepare itself, and she gets the chance to emotionally connect with you. Giving her lots of foreplay is one of the best ways to get her in the mood for penetration, which can create natural lubrication. 

 2. Practice deep breathing with her

If she is anxious, ease her into the experience by doing some deep breathing together. It will be even better if you can retain eye contact while doing so - this is one of the fundamental tantra techniques and it really helps to connect couples. Deep breathing will also send the message to her mind and body that it’s time to relax.

3. Take your time

Patience is a golden rule when you’re having sex with a girl who is tight. Whether you do so verbally or by demonstration, let her know there is no rush, and no pressure. Even when foreplay is done, don’t rush to enter her immediately. It needs to be on her terms, especially if she has a pelvic pain issue causing dyspareunia (painful sex). 

4. Loosen her whole body first with massage

Giving her a full body massage in a space you’ve made ambient and comfortable will work wonders for loosening her up down there. Let her get used to your touch on other areas of her body to relax. This is to reduce overall tension. 

5. Try out some toys first or dilator therapy first 

If she is nervous or naturally has a tight vagina, don’t go full-steam-ahead even when she is warmed up. If you’re having difficultly penetrating her, She may need to use vaginal dilators to help relax muscles first. Bearing in mind that she may have the same response to any object penetrating her, check with her first and use smaller dilators to start. This may well be what she needs mentally and physically to get used to the idea of full penetrative sex. If fearful, she needs to start with vaginal dilator therapy on her own. She may need to go to a pelvic floor physical therapist first. 

Vaginal dilators are used during pelvic floor physical therapy in the office and at home to regenerate vaginal capacity, expand the vaginal walls, add elasticity to the tissues, and to allow for comfortable sexual intercourse.

VuVa Magnetic Dilators are smooth lightweight plastic, that come in a variety of graduated sizes. In a clinical trial conducted by Chief Investigator and Pelvic Pain Specialist Dr. Michael Swor in Sarasota, FL, it was shown that VuVa Neodymium Magnetic Dilators reduced pain in 80% of study subjects with no side effects reported.  Neodymium Magnets are within each dilator that increase blood flow and relieve sexual discomfort while soft tissue lengthens, relaxing muscles and ligaments. As the tissue relaxes, the Neodymium magnets increase blood flow to the painful area calming nerves. VuVa™ Dilators are the only patented dilators available with Neodymium magnets.  


6. Communicate with her in the moment

Talking about sex can sometimes be uncomfortable, but it’s a really good idea to try - especially in the moment, when she’s going through pain or anxiety in real-time. There’s no need to get into a serious conversation about it; simply try to attune to her facial expressions and vocal responses, but also remember to ask her if something feels good, or if it hurts, and so on. Since you’re asking she’ll know you care, and she’ll be more likely to relax mentally and physically.

7. Boost her confidence

If you want to loosen a girl without hurting her, make sure she feels as confident as possible in bed with you. Compliment her often, inside and outside of the bedroom. Let her know when she’s doing the right things, and tell her how she makes you feel. If she knows you’re enjoying yourself with her, she’ll be less focused on what could be going wrong and more present in the room with you.

Again, if she has vaginismus (tight vaginal muscles), her sexual confidence might be low. Helping a girl with vaginsimus to be confident in bed might require a little more of you, so familiarize with the condition and what she may be going through and you’re at least one step ahead.

Now that you know the best ways to loosen a girl without hurting her, educate yourself and your partner about pelvic floor therapy benefits before intercourse. We are here to help. 


VuVa Neodymium Dilator Clinical Trial Study: Download the complete report.

VuVa Helpful Links:


VuVa Dilators on Netflix!

Well what a surprise!!! A few years back we received an email from the props department on the Sex Education show on Netflix. They asked if we could send them a vaginal dilator set for their show. We couldn't say yes fast enough! 

Checkout Sex Education on Netflix: Season 2 Episode 8